Small Revolutions: Voluntary Simplicity in Devon

The Cosmic Boomerang.

I've now taken the step of shutting down my business, and god do I feel happy about it. Thanks to everybody online and offline for their support

I got some great comment from Mike, and I'd like to paste his comments here:

"I spent most of last year doing the same thing, only to discover that I'm at my best/happiest/wholest in the garden, occasionally writing (words and software).  So, now wrapping up the loose ends of what remains of my business "interests", and just going with the flow for a while.  It's bliss."

I also had dinner with a friend last night who also told me about someone a lot more successful than myself. This person writes bestselling novels and has just given up, to the consternation of their publishers, a project that doesn't feel right, that just doesn't inspire them.

I feel I have learnt something of a lesson about letting go. About having the courage to give something up that doesn't feel right, to follow your heart regardless of its own peculiar, often frustrating logic.

The files are being archived as we speak, and I have left in its place, a picture of a buddha. There is something wonderful and refreshing and freeing about letting it all go.

I worry sometimes that it may be yet another instance of me flitting from one thing to another. But something tells me that although there is a risk of that with my personality, there is also a greater force carving out a certain, almost inevitable path.

The path is massage.

I started training with Clare Maxwell Hudson a couple of years ago. I had just come out of a turbulent period of my life with a need to escape my life in London and get some time out. The escape I found was going round Europe in a campervan. That turned out to be a bizarre and not altogether wonderful experience, and after a minibus crash in Sorrento in Italy. But I still needed somewhere to chill out so I went to Thailand for two months, and wrote constantly in my journal. When the Tsunami hit on Boxing Day, and my family was frantically trying to get in contact with me not knowing if I was alive or dead, I was on the other side of the country sheltered from the devastation and unaware of it.

I came back home and started the massage course again. This was all down to Clare's kindness as she did not  make me pay to do the course again. Later that year redundancy threatened, and a new job loomed and I gave up once again, stupidly.

I can tell how this is looking. Bad.

But I find myself here and now, knowing that I have to complete my training as a massage therapist. There seems to be something inevitable about it, rather like a vast karmic/cosmic boomerang. Whatever I try to do, however I try to escape (university, corporate careers, far flung escapes and bizarre travel adventures) I am brought back to the same thing again.

I don't believe in destiny. It's an absolute construct. There's no such thing. It's generally something we map onto history with hindsight in order to confer it with some sort of narrative inevitability that serves our own purposes. And that's a whole load of rubbish.

But I do believe in following your own heart. In fact, the older I get, I believe that is the only way. Knowing yourself and following your heart. Because life is short and at the end we die. I believe my various bits and pieces will simply become part of the universe again. That's it.

Massage and aromatherapy is something that I have harboured in my heart since I was 17.

And I believe it's time to stop playing around and start following my heart well and truly. Because that's the only way there is.

Doesn't matter that it doesn't create fortunes. It does matter that what I do in life has to feel right to me, and only me.

Clare Maxwell Hudson has closed her school I was shocked to find a couple of weeks ago. And it sparked something in me.

So, Clare, if you ever happen to come across this, I'm back. And this time the cosmic boomerang is coming home to stay, because I can no longer run away from what I need to do.

Advice On Fitting A Round Peg in A Square Hole

Stop.

-----------------------------------------

I think I've learned a big lesson.

I have spent the past couple of months starting up a business in which I am profoundly disinterested and not the least bit enthusiastic about.

It's a daft and elementary mistake born of a survival impulse to clutch at anything which might conceivably turn a dime.

The problem is that you just don't do your best at something which you're not in the least bit enthusiastic. You don't wake up in the morning relishing it and if you manage to go at it really well during your working days, it's by dint of effort rather than the sheer magic of passion.

I've had reservations and misgivings for a few weeks now, which, in the time old tradition I have carefully and decisively quashed in my psyche.

So what now? Well, rather than call the whole project a failure, in fact it has been a success. Because it has shown me what not to do. And fast.

Secondly, it's back to the drawing board. Thomas Edison failed thousands of times before he invented the lightbulb. Abraham Lincoln lost in business and in elections before finally becoming US president. We all fall over in life, and it;s how we get up and bursh ourselves off that counts. There's no failure, only outcomes.

I spent a good 45 minutes talking with a Learn Direct career coach so I could boucne around some ideas. And if you do find yourself at the same career meltdown/crossroads etc. I really recommend you give them a ring 0n 0800 100 900 or browse their website.

But more than anything, the value was in admitting to myself that what I am doing right now shouldn't be pursued with the full force of grim persistence. And it's also a recognition that my aversion has been much more than simple fear of it not working. I'm just not into it.

Once again, it makes me turn towards  one of Alan Watts' many gems of wisdom:

"What would you like to do if money were no object? ... Because if you say that getting the money is the most important thing, you'll spend your life completely wasting your time. You'll be doing things you don't like doing in order to go on living, that is, to go on doing things you don't like doing. Which is stupid! Better to have a short life that is full of what you like doing, than a long life spent in a miserable way." (Do You Do It, or Does It Do You? Alan Watts)

Yes, of course it's a U-turn. Yes, it has been a waste of effort and time and money. But who cares? It's the wrong thing, and there is nothing more stupid than persisting in doing the wrong thing. We all make mistakes, and the best we can do is learn from them and grow wiser.

Don't know where I go from here, but that's half the adventure, isn't it? I'm not in the least bit frightened, in fact I am rather excited.

Patrick Whitefield's Permaculture Course 3-16th June

I am kicking myself.

My new business will not allow me the time to go on Patrick Whitefield's two week permaculture course. It's a short term sacrifice I have had to make, and I can grit my teeth do it, but I'm disappointed.

This means there is a spare place going at Patrick Whitefield's place and I understand from my last email with him (at time of writing) that the course is not full yet.

For background, Patrick Whitefield was the gentlemen that advised Brigit Strawbridge and family on It's Not Easy Being Green.

If you're interested in his course, and in taking my place, the permaculture design course runs from 3 - 16th June and is at Ragman's Lane Farm in Gloucestershire. The course price is very reasonable and I have heard great things about it (especially from Anthony at www.welcometovoluntarysimplicity.wordpress.com).

So that's all I have to say today. If you manage to get my place on the course, I have just two words for you.

Lucky bugger.

Voluntary Simplicity & Running a Business

I've had to spend some time reconciling the fact that I am running my own business. By definition, it means that I am looking towards the money. But it's not contradicting a policy of voluntary simplicity.

In fact, I think it enhances it. Because, terrifying though it is, I am now calling the shots in a way which I have never done before. I don't need to have big meetings or put my diplomatic hat on, or commute to work. At this time, it's perfect because it allows me to get on with what I do best - making things happen and getting results and basically sticking a finger in every pie.

True enough, it's also proving lonely in a way I had not expected, but this is compensated by the fact that I am phoning my family a lot more, which is strengthening us as a family.

I've yet to make any money at all, I've only spent it so far. But I am happier now than I have been for a long time jobwise. As long as I can stay a penny ahead of the bills, everything, I'm sure, will work out just fine.