Small Revolutions: Voluntary Simplicity in Devon

Meditation Magic

The last few days I have made a concerted effort to meditate every day. It's too soon to see the meditation work its full magic (and having an attitude expecting that doesn't help) but I've noticed myself getting (and I've picked the word carefully) more whole.

When your universe contracts to the present moment, all worries drop away. The simplest thing, like the sound of rains, or the plinking of raindrops in puddles and their patterns of concentric circles racing outwards, become utterly beautiful and fascinating.

Of course it's not always like this. Sometimes meditating is just what it is. Very ordinary.

So, rather than 'trying hard' or getting all serious about it, I've decided that it is now just a part of my day, best done in the morning. No choice about it, it is just there. Like exercise. Mindfulness of breathing one day, Metta Bhavana the next.

When your future and your past are outside of the beginning and end of your breath, and your breath is all you need to focus on right here and now, life becomes incredibly simple.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Driving

I've had it for a good few years now. It first manifested itself during a pretty dark period of my life where everything seemed to spiral out of control. To most other people, it just seemed like I was nervous, a little flighty. Maybe a bit too earnest and thorough.

Underneath, the story was very different.

But behind the scenes it was taking me up to half an hour to leave home. I would spend that half an hour checking plugs, the oven, and the gas hob. Again and again and again. And once I had finished the whole circuit of checks, I would start again.

Some days I would run back from the train station ten minutes away, because I could not be sure that I had locked the door. I would be both panicked and anxious as well as frustrated and angry with myself. The panic attacks would be exaggerated by my asthma and in the middle of a full blown episode it would feel as if someone was sitting on my chest trying to stop me breathing.

A lot has changed since then. I read up on the subject and found that Exposure and Ritual Prevention (ERP) was one of the only ways to combat it. Literally, it's about preventing yourself doing the debilitating rituals (such as checking compulsively) in measured stages, and exposing yourself to the the things which trigger the anxiety.

Nowadays I can do a quick once over most of the time, and be out of the house without much hassle.

But a big one for me has always been driving.

Every time I drive, vivid, colourful and catastrophic movies play themselves in my head. A cyclist coming from nowhere. A child running out into the street who I fail to notice in time. My attention wandering for a second, and a car crash ripping metal and flesh.

The only way to get over this kind of thing is by going through it.

I've got used to motorways and country driving. And I've driven abroad.

But yesterday I drove through the congested centre of London just after lunch. From Tooting Broadway to Waterloo to Islington. Then from Islington to Hackney in the evening. It's hard to describe to anyone who has not suffered from OCD how this achievement feels and how proud I am of myself.

So I just wanted to write it here. Because I'm not ashamed of suffering from OCD and I'm really happy that I challenged one more barrier that stops me from doing things.

I think maybe having an OCD brain is something that has attracted me towards simplicity - but I'; write about that another time.